Waking up on a Saturday morning to little hands tugging at my comforter and sweet voices calling me “Mommy” is my normal now. I’m exhausted and mentally drained from working all week and I would like nothing more than to just sleep in without interruption, but I’m the only one here to tend to these little innocent girls who are depending on me. So I look past my deep wants and get up to feed my babies. I make my coffee and enjoy 5 minutes of “me” time while they eat their breakfast. I have to cherish the few minutes in between while I have them before these little minions begin to consume my space. Although I may be tired and in need of rest, I wouldn’t trade a moment I have with these beautiful little faces. They truly give me a joy I simply can not live without.
As I look at them through tired lenses, I sometimes want to ask God why? Why was I left here alone to raise these girls by myself? This was not the plan I had for myself nor them. We had a family, a home, and a foundation. This is not easy and I wasn’t suppose to do this alone! As I start feeling sorry for myself, I am instantly corrected by the Holy Spirit that tugs on my heart so strong. I am not in this alone because God is always with me. I may have lost a companion, a husband, and father to these girls but I never lost a covering, a provider, and our protection. It’s been almost 2.5 years since Jimmy passed away and God has provided and cared for us in so many ways. Yes, sometimes I wish I had help and sometimes I really wish I had a companion but I will not complain. We are still blessed! These girls have given me life in so many ways. The love they give me is priceless and the ways they make me laugh every day keeps me young. Their characters are so different and I enjoy watching them grow into their own. I would never ask God “Why” because if I didn’t have them, I would be in a very dark place. A place I don’t think I would have made it out of if I didn’t have them and God to help me through.