As the shock began to wear off and the reality set in that I was now alone, I realized that every single thing was left up to me. The scary thing was that I somehow felt “unprotected”. I felt open and vulnerable to any and everything because I no longer had a covering or a protector. I felt lost. I felt out of place as my world, as I knew it, began to crumble around me. I was now…unprotected.
For me, marriage brings a certain kind of protection that takes most of my fears away. It is extremely important to me to have that. I believe God strategically created men to be stronger physically and mentally to protect the household and the family. I was happy and content knowing that I was protected. I love having someone I can submit to (I will elaborate on another post). Women aren’t built to carry heavy things in the physical but at times, we have no choice. I no longer have that choice. For a while I worried about what would happen if someone came to the door unannounced. I worried about what would happen if a stranger approached me to start trouble. I worried about who would help me when I had car trouble and had to take my car in for repairs. I even worried about who’s going to kill the spiders and bugs in the house (go ahead and laugh). I worried more about who would be there to help protect my little girls. We were now unprotected. I found myself waking up multiple times during the night checking on the girls, making sure the front door is locked, and pacing around until I could no longer keep my eyes open.
The Protector. One day during this restless cycle I had an epiphany. As I sat down to read over the pages of my journal I can clearly see how God has been there. This made me remember how important journaling was to me. It serves as a reminder when I feel discouraged and disconnected from my power source. God has been there all along. He’s been protecting me and my girls from things unseen. He’s been working behind the scenes orchestrating events to keep us in a safe place. I saw that clearly as I read over the pages that described specific incidents I had prayed about. Then I remember exactly how God protected me in every single one of those incidents. I am protected. We are protected. I have no worries because my God who goes before me is working everything out for my good.
You are protected too as long as you believe, have faith, and continue to seek Him. When you are feeling uncertain and discouraged take a moment to look back and realize how you made it through some of the most difficult times. Take a moment and realize how God has moved on your behalf. He is always there!