Chapter 41: A New Beginning

Hey there! I know I’ve been MIA for a while. I took a much needed break from social media and writing but something also changed in me while I was away. I celebrated a birthday and the reality of getting older hit me pretty hard. I started thinking about all the years that have gone by, what I’ve accomplished (and what I didn’t), people I lost over the years, how much time was spent being miserable versus being happy. To sum it up, depression started to knock at my door.

Then COVID-19 came and shook us all up. It has isolated us from our loved ones, taken jobs away, and has many people grieving the loss of friends and family. I’d say this is the enemy coming to steal, kill, and destroy. This ugly enemy wants to steal our resources, kill our connections, and destroy our faith. As depression came knocking, I realized that it was a choice to either answer the door or to slam it shut. It is a choice!

I not only slammed the door to that dark space but I opened another door. A door of new possibilities and opportunities I never considered. Things that bring me peace and joy. There was no darkness surrounding these choices. If only we could realize earlier in life that we have the freedom to choose healthier options that lead us to living a happy and peaceful life. I was destined to live a dark life full of pain and trauma since I was a little girl and although I did experience much of it, I’m thankful to God who helped me retrain my thinking, reset my lifestyle, and give me the strength to overcome. See, it doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone. You can always decide to reset and try something new. So, I started a new thing that I’m not ready to share yet but I’m taking this new chapter of my life and I’m living better, more fearless, and happy. I’m freeing myself from years of self sabotage, fear, and doubt that has plagued my life since I was a little girl. It’s work but work that has amazing rewards.

Sometimes God will tell us to put things down whether it be a person, place, or thing so we can pick something else up that is so much better for us. His plan is for good not harm (Jeremiah 29:11). Our problem is that we never want to “let go” because it would mean that we can no longer be a “victim”. Well, I’d rather be victorious and live boldly, than a victim and live stuck. Being self aware is a major part in overcoming what is weighing you down. When negative thoughts come that don’t line up the goals you set for your self, and God’s will for your life, kill them by immediately forcing a different thought, something positive. Take control of what you allow your mind to meditate on. Override the negative with something positive. I urge you to do the work within yourself so you can be free from those self sabotaging thoughts. As a Christian we often worry about what the enemy is doing to us and in reality we can be our own worse enemy at times. Take care of yourself, your mind, body, and spirit. Your quality of life only gets better when you do. There is a better life! You just have to be willing to make better choices and remove yourself from familiar environments.

Thank you to everyone who’s checked on me. I’m still here, just focused. I love you all. Please stay safe and be blessed. Until next time… 💕

~Peculiar Butterfly 🦋


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