I was listening to this song by Chandler Moore called “It’s okay” and I had already been feeling depressed and beat mentally from a long day. The lyrics is exactly what I needed. I was sitting alone in my room, the girls were already asleep and I was thinking about how badly I would like to be more close to the people I love. The truth is, I really miss having a family of my own. Let me elaborate…
As humans our hearts desire to have things a certain way but that’s not always our reality. I’ve always wanted to be surrounded by a loving, understanding , and supportive family, have best friends who would never betray me, have a marriage that was beautiful and perfect with the big house and picket fence. Well, that’s not my reality. Ive been hurt because of others peoples brokenness. I’ve hurt people in my own brokenness. I’ve been married twice and yet I’m here alone raising kids on my own…again! As I listened to the next song from Chandler Moore’s album “He understands”, the tears just started to flow even more. God understands my emotions and my tears when nobody else does. When nobody else sees. He understands yours too.
What if we provided the space for people to express themselves without feeling guilty for it? What if we loved people genuinely without going behind their backs to talk about them after smiling in their face? What if we would be intentional about caring for others instead of laughing at their weaknesses? What if we didn’t hate others but instead dealt with our own insecurities? What if?? What if the abused, the suicidal, and the depressed didn’t have to sit in silence and suffer alone? WHAT IF?! There is so much unresolved pain inside me that is screaming to be released and because I’ve been shunned, made to feel guilty, talked about, accused, and laughed at, I sit in my room and just cry out to God. This is the ugly part of my process that goes untold and I can’t keep it in any longer. I want people “like me” to know that they are not alone. I want them to know that it’s okay to NOT BE OKAY!
“but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 AMP
I’m tired of being strong as I know many of you are too. This year alone has hit us hard. We must hold on to the promise that when we are weak, He is strong in us. I see you! I REALLY see you and I truly understand. You ARE allowed to grieve. You ARE allowed to feel your emotions. You are allowed to cry. You know why? because God created every emotion that you have!! He too understands. Tears were meant to fall, pain was meant to be felt, so never let anyone guilt you or shame you for FEELING!!! It won’t always be like this. Soon, you will feel the joy again. The sun will shine at the end of the tunnel. It’s okay to not be okay and the sooner you accept that, the sooner the process of healing will begin. You can do this. Just don’t give up! You are not alone.
Until next time..
Here’s the link to Chandler Moore’s new album https://music.apple.com/us/album/feelings/1539902447
Sheneka Terry aka Peculiar Butterfly